I did something that I'm both very nervous about AND very excited about!
I ordered a book called, "Wreck This Journal." The premise is to start with this lovely, clean journal, and destroy the crap out of it. You have to destory it by following the prompts in the book. Every page has an instruction, and it is your job to interpret the instructions as you wish. You are told to do fun things like spill and spit your coffee out onto a page, and run over the book with your car. How incredibly fun does that sound?!
The book requires following rules and exercising creativity. This scares the poop outta me. It's not that I don't believe I'm creative, it's just that I'm really hard on myself when it comes to actually exercising creativity.
The pressure I feel to be something "great" is so intense that I often just cave and choose to give up, hoping that it means I won't fail at being my best. It's a horrific personality trait that I have, but I think this book is going to help me.
I've already watched some YouTube videos of people wrecking their journal, and already I feel I'll be less than wonderfully creative. It seems that being "less than" is a common fear of mine, and something that I believe I am. I have a hard time songwriting, because I compare myself to songwriters that I admire. Clearly, I don't live up to that. I have a hard time looking in the mirror some days without judging this, that, and the other. I remember not having that feeling as a kid. I'd sit on my swing set with my diary and write songs every single day in the summer. I never feared that I sucked. I'd make my own jewelry and wear it out in public without fear of judgement. It's weird how being an adult can change you.
I'm hoping that by using this journal I'll be able to tap into my creative side, and eventually come to realize that there is no right or wrong. Hopefully I'll stop comparing myself to others and finally see that I'm totally awesome if I just let go.
Bring it on weird theraputic journal!